Result Day Emotions
The UPSC interview schedule ended on April 25. News from reliable sources said that results can be expected on 27th April.
My parents work in a city called Tirunelveli which is 600 kms from Chennai. Though my UPSC interview didn’t go well, I had the belief that I will make it to the list somehow. So I had asked them to be in Chennai by 27th morning.
Waiting for results is the most difficult task in life because everyone around you is eagerly waiting for the moment and something negative can dishearten you so much. You tend to remember all the questions you couldnt write well in the mains and the questions you couldnt answer in the interview, all in a flash.
UPSC results can either take you to new heights or it can take precious youthful years away from you. Plus the server started to choke with so many people logging in at the same time. I was able to hear my heart throb against my ribs like drumsticks on the drum membrane. I got news that the results will be out by 5PM but it did not. The results were declared at 7 o'clock in the evening and I cannot explain to you those two hours of my life.
Finally the link appeared, and I clicked on it to download the PDF containing the result. My fingers had gone numb. The PDF opened after downloading and started scrolling down skipping the literature and result details.
The names started appearing, it was then that it struck me to search for my roll number and as I typed in my numbers I was getting a sinking feeling. Pressed the search button and BAM it appeared, highlighted in blue, looked slightly left and my name was all there with correct spelling. It felt like an illusion, like one of the dreams I used to have during preparation. I immediately took a screenshot with shaky hands as I was afraid that all this will vanish the next instant. As I had anticipated, the screen blurred out as my eyes filled with tears.
Everything seemed to have gone on auto mode, I felt I had completely lost control over myself and my surroundings. My mom kissed my forehead and my father hugged me but I was all numb and did not know how to respond.
When you think about something day in and day out and it finally arrives you suddenly don’t know what to do. I was in disbelief till my uncle called me and a few close friends who had checked my name in the list. The celebration had begun and above all a big sigh of relief as I was now free from the cycle of birth and rebirth (read as prelims mains and interview).
Well one more thing, in my excitement I didnt even check my rank which i later got to know from my friends as finding my name in the list itself was more than enough for me.
Appreciation from the Chief minister of Tamilnadu after the results