Importance of Positive Mindset For Aspirants

I had always wondered what a normal day is like in a movie stars life. I used to think how could a person ever handle so many calls and messages everyday. But I didn't know that someone somewhere was noting my thoughts down to give me a feel of it. I can never forget the evening of the 27th day of April when someone controlling the servers of the Union Public Service Commission(UPSC) clicked on the "Post CSE 2017 Results" button and there was an explosion some 2200 kms down south and I am more than elated to say that it was my house. Blown up by the joyous wishes, heartfelt compliments and unpredicted adulations.....

I'd take this opportunity to take each one of you who is on-board in FLASHBACK….

Rewinding to 16th September 2016.

UPSC announces prelims results. All excited and eager with pulses of fear beating I opened the PDF and searched my roll number. "No record found" popped on the screen. I searched again, "No result found". I asked my brother to search, but in vain. I did not let a single drop of tears flow out of my obedient eyes as I was afraid I would trigger a chain reaction of tears from each of the eyes eager to see my roll number in the list.

I went straight to my room locked myself up buried my face in the pillow and let the magma erupt off my eyes. I was restless all night. Months of hard work and patience all disappeared from underneath my feet like thin air. I started cursing myself for not joining TCS and I was convinced that my dream to become an IAS officer was too ambitious to come true. I came out of my room in the morning with a calm look on my face. Had breakfast with my parents who were to leaving for their work place a few kilometres from Chennai, there was a scary silence in my house. My mother and father tried alleviating my mood but it was of no avail.

It was in the evening that some close friends came to my house and despite my disagreement took me out (this was going to be a game changing outing for me). They said we were going to meet a few senior aspirants at Anna University. We went to the main field in the campus and I got introduced to 4 people who were sitting there on the stairs. The talk began.

Of the four of them three had cleared the exam while one could not. They could see on my face that I was not interested and hence they started asking me about my preparation and aspirations. I began reluctantly and told them how I had been preparing and how much effort I had put in and that I had given up job at TCS for this and still couldn’t clear. The person in front didn’t show a tag bit of sympathy to me or my story, instead he said ‘SO? That’s something everyone does?’ All my agony and dismay suddenly seemed trivial to me. I hadn’t done anything which the rest of the aspirants had not done. The other guy asked me what was troubling me more the fact that I couldn’t clear the exam or the fact that my preparation was not up to the mark. I immediately understood what he was trying to imply.

I came back home thinking about the mistakes I had done as regards to this examination and if I should go ahead with this career option or not. With much discussions and deliberations in my upper house (head) I decided that I will go to Delhi and join the best institute there and write the next year’s exam with better preparation. And so I did.

This was the first time I was travelling to the northern part of the country and especially the capital of our country. I was excited. The next moment I found myself sitting at the back of a broker’s bike scanning the streets of Old Rajinder Nagar (ORN) for a room. (For those of you who don’t know - clearing the Civil Services Exam is easier than getting a room in your budget in ORN). After hours of treasure hunt I ended up in a room which was technically not a room but a kitchen (yes you heard it right). Nevertheless I arranged my stuff and settled down. I went out to buy some supplies but came back disappointed, I felt like an alien, as I did not know Hindi and was afraid of getting lost as all the lanes looked the same to me.

I knocked the door next to my room and explained my predicaments to the guy who answered. He said he was leaving for the library and would help me when he comes back in the evening. I sat in the kitchen room all day and kept questioning myself for the decision to come to Delhi. I also called my father to book my return ticket exactly two months from that day, so that I could give myself ample time to experience and make a decision. The guy came back in the evening asked me to get ready which I already was since morning and he took me out. He bought me every single thing that I would require and helped me make my room. The next day he showed me around and made me feel comfortable in this alien land. I started going for tests and interacting with people whenever I got a chance. I started to understand why I had failed in the prelims. I was like an ‘insignificant dot’ in the sea of people who leave no stone unturned to clear this exam. It was like an unending race.

There were prelims BABAs (people who had been clearing prelims for 4 times in a row), I met people who had been giving interviews every year since they started writing the exam and then people who had already cleared but did not get a service of their choice, all alike. I used to question myself every now and then whether I stood a chance in this cut throat competition and whether I was good enough to ever qualify? I carried on with the flow. Aspirants in Old Rajidner Nagar are like zombies and with each passing day I was becoming one myself. I had a chance to see for myself a typical day in the life of an aspirant in ORN, waking up in the morning getting ready for class while marking important articles to be read in The Hindu, eating breakfast (popular poha or aloo paratha) on the way, finishing off with the pre marked articles in the queue to get front seats in the class of 400, taking notes like a stenographer, laughing in chorus at the jokes of the teacher and heading back home to get ready for another shift of study at the library (reading rooms with AC), tea break at the coffee square and back to the room with dinner packet in hand, customary call to parents back home, lying that the food is awesome so that mothers have one less reason to worry and going off to sleep.

But I never got the ticket cancelled and finally two months got over and I started packing my things to head back home as planned on day one. I had come very close to my flatmates but I didn’t budge when they tried to convince me to stay back. As a farewell they took me out to show around Delhi and finally to the ending point of the Aravali’s, The Raisina Hill. I got goose bums seeing the President house right in front of me and the India Gate behind me with the north and south block on each side. Standing in front of the President house facing the DoPT office we made a promise that we’ll enter the seat of power with pride by making it to the list and have dinner with the President of India one day. I left for Chennai.

My parents were happy to see me back and without much ado I set up my room and continued with my preparation. My friends used to come in the evenings and we usually used to hang out in the main field of Anna University. One fine day I met one of those four aspirants whom I had interacted with just after failing in my 1st prelims. He was the one who hadn’t cleared prelims that year out of the 4 people. I asked about the rest of the people and he told me they were preparing for the mains which was only a few days ahead.

He asked me about my experience in Delhi and about my plans of going back. I told him that I was not going back to Delhi. He had a smile on his face as he was listening to what I was saying to him. He told me that he could have stopped me from going to Delhi back then itself but he didn’t because he wanted me to experience the world of UPSC in person. He said further that its not the amount of labour or the number of hours or the place that will ensure your selection in this exam. The only thing that can make you successful in the exam is how badly you want to see your name in the list. That’s where the difference will be as there will be much more laborious, intelligent and resourceful people running in this race than you can ever imagine to be. Everything that he said that day transpired into the roots of my brain.

That was one of the final turning points (as there are quite a few) in my struggle to come out victorious. Whenever I used to feel low I would reach out to this person and his group each one of them being highly motivated and highly positive in attitude which had a remarkable influence over me. I did not let negativity come close to me.

One’s preparation cannot be the same everyday but keeping oneself motivated is the key for this examination. You have to be unrealistic at times to reach where you plan to and I made sure that my desire for becoming an IAS officer is consistently greater than anybody else’s in the world. After my first failure I made serious changes in my thought process. I learnt the art of failing better and staying immensely positive from this bunch of guys at Anna University who are now making wonders by guiding and motivating aspirants like me all across .

…..Coming back to the present day when the failures are at bay (wow! That rhymed)

Today when I remember the promise I had made to myself and my friends in Delhi standing at the Raisina Hill I pinch myself in disbelief. Competing with one of the best brains, more experienced and hardworking people from across the country and getting a double digit rank at this early age being an average student throughout is an example of achieving an unrealistic dream. I sometimes feel that the rank list of successful candidates prepared by the UPSC every year actually reflects the desire one has to see his/her name in the list and I am 71st in that list.

The messages pouring in and so many friend requests, TV interviews and what not makes me feel good but above all the joy I see in the eyes of my parents makes me feel like a super star.

If you do not know this yet, I would take this opportunity to establish that UPSC is not for the faint hearted but I can assure you that this is one of the most beautiful journey one can ever take in a life time irrespective of the outcome, as getting your name in the list is but a small part of the entire process of your evolution.

Last but not the least I would like to say that my success is a representation of collective efforts of so many people at different stages of my preparation. Especially the four people sitting on the benches of the field in Anna University campus whose valued and life changing guidance changed my perception towards this examination in particular and challenges in general.

I hope several ignorant but determined aspirants like I was a few months back would benefit from the useful blogs of these mentors just as they have nurtured me. Go to BLOG!

If you are still confused about taking the CSE UPSC, I urge you to take the jump and see your life change once and for all.